Safety Net

Photo by Taylor Monahan on
You were supposed to be my safety net,
My soft place to fall when all other men failed me.
Looking back, I don’t know why,
You are more liked barbed wire that disappears,
You catch me, and you cut me deep before vanishing,
And I crash to the ground, not dead but severely broken.

The only evidence I have that you even exist are the scars on my body
And the knot in my stomach every time I think of you,
Pulled in by the few fleeting moments we had,
And then barbed wire pushed in by your absence
And the arrogance that you think I will wait for you,

These feelings exacerbated by your relationship with my mother 
Where you break yourself open to show your inner child,
In hopes that it will be praised and lauded and get back to me,
Digging your hooks into me deeper with intimacies shared through a surrogate,
Emotional vulnerability is my kryptonite,
You vampire! You stick your fangs in me, 
And you suck me dry in hopes to make me wet for you!

It no longer works. These scars you burned in my soul healed 
Enough for me to be deeply angry,
Spurned by the thousand woman you parade in public
While you keep me captive in secret,
My wakeup call was recognizing your delusion,
As you call me Love, pulling me close, turning your hand into a sword
As you stab me in the back,
As you thrust your sword into me, I looked into your eyes,
I am no longer a fool, but you are,
Fooled that you can do what you want to me and still have me,

I am no longer yours. I ripped myself off the nail bed you drove me into hoping my heart Would stay put when the others were wise enough to leave you,
I refuse to sacrifice my dignity for the scarcity of your love,
Bruised, scarred, bloody, I walk on a precarious lonely road without a crutch
Because if I could survive you, I don’t need a safety net.

By Hyacinth Hale

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