Pillow Fort Fortress

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Why is love pain?
I cut myself open just to heal you,
But you turn your back,
And say that you don’t need saving,
The tears rolling down your face
Tell a different story,
And so the story goes
Until I trip and stumble,

You try to pick me up, and
I’m too hard headed and hurt
To let you, my pride my down fall,
So pots and pans,
And plates and glasses,
And words are tossed; until,
Arms and legs and lip
Are entangled in the sheets
I bought and you hate,

Under the sheets,
Our pillow fort fortress,
Our entangled peace treaty,
Where friendly fire is encouraged,
Where the world melts away in your arms,
And the problems of yesterday
Are tomorrow’s problem,
All that matters is the smell of your skin,
And the heat in your touch,
And the taste of your lips,
As you recommit your love to me,
And we heal what bonds us together

~By Hyacinth Hale

Broken Vessel

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I was fractured, and you were supposed to be my healer, 
Instead, you shattered my existence,
Lost, broken, I let you go free, 
So that I would be left somewhat intact, 
I wanted you gone, but you never left my mind, 
Always lurking in the back of it, 
Popping out in the most inconvenient times,

When someone grabs my shoulder from behind, it’s you,
When someone whispers next to me, it’s you, 
Every man that smiles at me, it’s your smile,
When I close my eyes, I see you,
I hesitate to wear my favorite lipstick 
Because you liked it so much,

There is not an inch of my life that you did not slither into, 
Wrap yourself around my throat as I scream, 
Choke what’s left of my dignity out of me, 
And leave the scars to mark me, 
I am enslaved to you even as a free woman 
As you still walk unencumbered,

A decision I made to keep the peace, 
But I’m not sure whose peace, 
Your pieces are still with me, 
And a piece of my flesh will always be 
A trophy on your mantle, 
Something to mount as your victory, your conquest, 
Even though the rest of me escaped, 
A small price to pay for the freedom I have now,

Now, I glue back my broken pieces, 
And figure out how the pieces you left behind fit in,
I am no longer whole without you,
But that does not mean you get to change 
The tides of the water I carry inside, 
Though right now it is dark and stormy,
One day, one day, you will only be a gentle breeze 
That blows through the cracks,
Easily remembered, easily forgotten,
Leaving my life unaffected, 
and the ability to smile and mean it

By Hyacinth Hale

The Secrets We Keep

The secrets we keep,
Both juicy and sweet,
The poison we hold inside,
Not to infect the naïve and unassuming,
Some for personal gain,
Some for others protection,
We all pay a price,
Some of worth,
And others for no reason
Because the stakes are
So low if only to keep some
Small part of your life to yourself,

Secrets, some were born into them,
 A family filled with skeletons in the closet,
 And webs of lies swaddling innocence,
Others grow into their secrets as
They grow ashamed of their true flawed self,
Some are secret keepers, sin eaters,
Sharing the burden and lightening the load,

One thing we know for sure,
There is a version of ourselves
That not even our closest friends and family know,

Sshhhhh! Careful the secrets you keep,
And those you let loose,
One wreaks havoc on your insides,
The other effects those around us,
And the perception they have of us,
 Though the older I get,
 The more important truth is,
And the less I care what people think of me,
Life is funny that way, 

Still, I will take secrets to the grave,
Leave my loved ones wondering,
Spare them the pain I bore for them,
A painful kindness,
That I never understood
In my elder loved ones,
Until I got older,
Until life weathered me,
Until life carved me,
And gutted me,
And I had to protect
Those who could not
Protect themselves
Including myself,

Let my lips curl,
And my jaw clench,
And my heart heave,
Let the knowing smile
Make people wonder,
I will take the bile,
And churn a secret pearl,
Collect them in a
Roaring stomach ocean,

Too many, and they will claw my insides,
Too many, and some our bound to climb up,
And spew out my mouth,
Out of preservation, out of survival,
Some words, some bile, some pearls,
All secrets, all secrets I have kept
And paid the price,
Some I even swallow again
The price too great not to keep it under wraps
To the grave, to the grave, to the grave I say!

~ By Hyacinth Hale

Your Touch

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I crave your touch even when you are not around,

Your strength, your security, your warmth at night,
The teasing tandem of gentle roughness
As you vacillate back and forth, pushing and pulling,
Swaying my body to the primal rhythm of attraction,
Feeling for anything plump and pleasing to hold onto,

When you are away from me,
I want to feel your finger pads
Brush against my skin one more time,
You give me goose pimples on my flesh,
Each touch a delightful surprise,
Each second you stare at me waiting is torturous anticipation
Of the velvety softness that are your lips,
Wondering what body part they will kiss next,

I daydream of your touch in the silliest of places,
At work, as I’m doing dishes, in the grocery line,
Staring out a window, anywhere banal and lonely,
But the thought of your touch excites me, unnerves me,
Makes me flush pink, and curl my toes in my shoes,

I think of how your fingers trace the outline of my face,
And how they stimulate my nipples,
And dig into my waist as you pull me in close,
Thrusting your hips onto mine, thrusting deep inside me, slow and angled,
Letting your fingers take a stroll in my secret garden
As they twirl around with childlike enthusiasm,
Letting the intensity build, until there is no choice, it is too intense,
And you have to come to my rescue,

I want to feel your naked body pressed against mine,
Spooning me, caressing my curves with your muscles,
I want to feel your belly rise, and your belly fall,
To know you are near, to be so intertwined,
To not know where you start and I begin,
To feel something else of yours rise, and for my mouth to fall open,
First, in surprise and then, to move into position,
To show you just how special your touch is to me,

I am lost in your touch, and I am found in your touch,
You will never know what a reassuring squeeze means to me,
To be held in your arms, to nuzzle into your neck,
To know that you will hold me together
When everything else falls apart,
I only hope my touch does the same

~ By Hyacinth Hale